Fasting, praying and driving

Hi There Cyberspace,

Well, look at me, less than 2 weeks since my last blog entry! I know there are people who blog every day, and I have two theories on that. Either 1- they lead way more interesting lives or 2- they really like to talk about themselves. Obviously, my friends that blog lead way more interesting lives than I do…

Well, I’ve had some awesome and some slightly disheartening stuff happen in the last week and a half. Let’s start with the disheartening…my ankle seems to have taken a turn back for the worse. I don’t know what’s going on, but for those of you that have know me for a few years, you know that I was on crutches for quite some time because of ankle issues. Those issues never went away, but the pain had gone away enough that I could almost normally walk around again. That’s over, now I use my cane almost all the time and I’ve even had to break out the crutches a couple times. I’m sure the problems would go away if I lost weight, but that’s tough with the pain, I can’t really do much for exercising. I swam when I lived in PA, but with all the travelling and being gone for weeks at a time, it doesn’t make fiscal sense to keep a gym membership, and I can’t really go to one gym all the time, because I’m all over New England.

Anyway, I went on Monday to listen to Graham Jones speak (http://www.gjmi.org/) and it was great. I had heard him speak before and I knew he spoke a lot on healing, because a huge part of his ministry is healing. So, I went on Monday, fully expecting to ask for healing, I didn’t. As Graham was talking about healing, he also was talking about being prepared to be healed, and God laid it on my heart that I wasn’t ready yet. Bummer…I really was hoping to leave there healed. What God did tell me to do was take Tuesday to pray and fast about what I need to do to prepare myself for the ministry ahead and the healing on my ankles.

Disclaimer: I know not everyone who reads this blog will believe that God speaks this way to people and all I can say is He does. I’ve felt God move more mightily in the last few months than I have in the entire rest of my life, and my prayer is that through my life and struggles, God will speak to you and bring you to the point where you will be open to hear Him speaking into your life.

So, Tuesday, I took a drive, it was a long drive, about 250 miles, all through New Hampshire. I needed to go somewhere I hadn’t been, I felt God was telling me to go somewhere I hadn’t been, because He is going to take me to a place I’ve never been. My route took north from Manchester to Lincoln, from Lincoln, east across the Kancamagus highway to Conway, south to Rye, then west back to Manchester. Along the way, I stopped in a couple of places and wrote down what I was thinking and praying about. Here’s most of what I wrote…

Sitting at the Hancock Trailhead on the Kancamagus Highway

Lord, I can’t see what’s there, but I know something is. Lord I don’t know what you have for me, but I know it’s better than what I’ve made for myself. Lord, this is my literal and figurative day as I sit somewhere I’ve never been, I look ahead to something I’ve never been.
I do believe, or I want to believe, Lord, help my unbelief!!!
Lord, why should I just expect You to take the first step, why am I reticent to move first and expect you to bless me. Lord, I want to have that quiet confidence that You do give. I want to have that assurance that You will provide me. Lord, let me take the first step (literally and figuratively!) let me renounce all that distracts me from You and focus on You and You alone.
Lord, I do need to be undone in your presence. I’m not, and I don’t let myself. I want, I need to be sold out, wholly dedicated and totally committed to you, not me.
Lord, let me remove the random noise from my life, let me remember this moment when sin calls out to me, when my former life calls out to me, when I am tempted to be drawn back into that life. Lord, that life is not what You want from me, you want only the best for me, let me want the same.
Lord, I love You, let my life be one long love letter to You.

Sitting at the Camp Fireside beach on Daniel Cater Rd

Lord, as I drove down a road I became so familiar with several years ago, I forgot about the ruts. Lord, I’m reminded of the ruts that we all get stuck in. Lord, I’m in a rut that I’ve been in for half my life. I came to a saving faith in You since then, Lord why am I still there?
Lord, I do want healing in my life. I want to be a whole person. I want to fill the gaps in my heart, not with the earthly, fleshly things of this world.
Lord, today is a day of healing, even if it’s not a day of healing for my ankle, lord I want it to be a day of healing for my heart.
Draw me close to You, never let me go. Even if I kick and scream, even if I want to leave, I know I don’t want to.

Sitting near Odiorne Point

Lord, how different a place I’m in now! Now I can see for miles out over the ocean. Some day I’ll be here, some day I’ll be able to loot at my life ahead and see just you, Lord. Even as the ocean farther out looks smooth, I can see the breakers crashing on the shore. Lord, guide me through the rough breakers ahead to the smooth ocean with You.
Lord, I pray that when I get to the end of my life, that I’ll be able to look back and see that I trusted You.
Lord, give me the calm assurance of Your love and when my ankles fail that I allow You to carry me.

As you can see, I kept being brought back to the following passage in Mark 9:14-29

When they came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them. As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him.
"What are you arguing with them about?" he asked.
A man in the crowd answered, "Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not."
"O unbelieving generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me."
So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.
Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?"
"From childhood," he answered. "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."
" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."
Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the evil[a] spirit. "You deaf and mute spirit," he said, "I command you, come out of him and never enter him again."
The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, "He's dead." But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.
After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately, "Why couldn't we drive it out?"
He replied, "This kind can come out only by prayer."

I need to remove the noise, the things that block my intimacy with God, that means cutting down on TV, cutting down on computer time, and giving myself more quiet time, time alone with God.

Thanks for sticking with me through this long entry. I pray that God will bless you because of it, and I pray you all have a wonderful Christmas and blessed New Year.

Have a great day!