Trust hijacked me

Hello there Cyberspace,

Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve written a post, but I’ve been on the road. We had 2 schools right in a row, then I went to visit folks in PA and pick up some more stuff.

Honestly, I’m having a little trouble deciding what to write now, I have plenty to write about the schools we were at, but I really feel like God is telling me to write about trust, so here it goes…

I like to think I’ve finally become a well-adjusted member of society, without any of the hang ups that I see other people having, but I’ve recently discovered that I’m not as together as I’d like to believe. My parents divorced when I was a kid and that threw me for a loop for quite some time, even through high school where I tried to run away twice. Since then, I think I’ve gotten better with that affecting me, and I have, but there was one area of my life where I had trouble letting God in and that was trust. I’ve come to realize that I’ve felt betrayed by my father and that’s led to me not really being able to let people into my life and trust them all the way. I’ve learned to fake it well, but I don’t want to be a fake anymore. God has really been breaking down the barriers of trust in me in the last few months. First of all, I have been able to start to trust a few people more, with even my most shameful thoughts and areas of my life.

But more importantly God told me that it was time to put up or shut up, either I trusted Him or I didn’t. I always though I trusted God, but that’s when life made it easy, in the last few months, life has made it harder, but ironically, it’s made it easier to trust God. But God had to do some major reworking of my life; first, he had to get me out of where it was so easy to mouth the words “I trust God” and got me to the point where I had to put substance behind those words. It started when I realized that when God told me to do something that I was afraid to do, and I didn’t do it, I was calling God a liar and telling Him there was something He hadn’t thought of. Since then, I’ve seen how God has been faithful to me, not because I’ve been faithful to Him (that doesn’t change, He’s faithful to us even when we’re not to Him) but I’ve been open to see it.

As I sit here munching on a couple donuts, listening to Kim Walker sing “How He Loves” I’m moved to tears when I read verses like Isaiah 26:4

“Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal”

and Isaiah 12:2

“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.”

My prayer for everyone reading this is that God will open up your eyes to see that He is faithful to you. Humans are fallible, we will let someone down at some point, but GOD NEVER WILL.

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, maybe I’ll write about the schools another day.

Have a great day!